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The Dilemma
An Expensive Celebration
I was invited to a friend’s birthday dinner. The restaurant she chose is notoriously expensive. We’re all in our early 20s, and I think it’s unreasonable for her to expect us to shell out so much. (Plus, the birthday girl or boy never pays, so we’d incur even more expense.) Is it OK to bail? I don’t want to make up an excuse, but I don’t want to tell her I’m not coming because of money either. —Anonymous
Let me get this straight: You don’t want to tell the truth, and you don’t want to lie. (Are you under the impression that I have magical powers?) It’s never wrong to say: “Thanks for inviting me! But I’m on a budget and can’t afford to come.” Here, your reluctance to speak honestly allows the birthday girl to persist in her mistaken belief that her friends can (or want to) spend upward of $100 on food in her honor. How will she learn the truth if you don’t say something?
—Adapted from “Social Q’s” in The New York Times Magazine