You talk about music, math homework, and plans for the weekend. But do you and your friends ever discuss serious topics that affect your community, country, or world?

At a time when everything from school pandemic policies to the state of the environment—not to mention presidential politics—can trigger heated debates, many Americans avoid such discussions. About 45 percent of people in the United States say they limit who they talk about politics with, according to a survey by the Pew Research Center.

Having these serious conversations can be hard, especially in a country with almost 330 million people of varied backgrounds, cultures, and beliefs. But talking with each other is key to solving the nation’s problems, experts say.

That’s why civil discourse—the practice of having respectful and constructive conversations with people whose views are different from yours—is so important. The goal isn’t to win an argument or change anyone’s mind but to understand where people are coming from, explains Lara Schwartz, the director of the American University Project on Civil Discourse in Washington, D.C.

A civil conversation can lead to new ideas for addressing issues and can help bridge political or social divides that may feel overwhelming at first, Schwartz says.

“Civil discourse shows people that you might be disagreeing with their idea, but you’re not disrespecting them as a person,” explains Schwartz. “It shows that you see the problems of society as separate from the people in it.”

Here are some ways you can have productive discussions about sensitive topics, according to experts.

You talk about music, math homework, and plans for the weekend. But do you and your friends ever discuss serious topics that affect your community, country, or world?

Today, everything from school pandemic rules to the state of the environment can trigger heated debates. Presidential politics can put people at odds as well. That’s why many Americans avoid such discussions. About 45 percent of people in the United States say they limit who they talk about politics with, according to a survey by the Pew Research Center.

Having these serious conversations can be hard, especially in our country. The U.S. has almost 330 million people of varied backgrounds, cultures, and beliefs. But talking with each other is key to solving the nation’s problems, experts say.

That’s why civil discourse is so important. The practice involves having respectful conversations with people whose views are different from yours. The goal isn’t to win an argument or change anyone’s mind but to understand where people are coming from, explains Lara Schwartz, the director of the American University Project on Civil Discourse in Washington, D.C.

A civil conversation can lead to new ideas for addressing issues and can help bridge political or social divides that may feel impossible at first, Schwartz says.

“Civil discourse shows people that you might be disagreeing with their idea, but you’re not disrespecting them as a person,” explains Schwartz. “It shows that you see the problems of society as separate from the people in it.”

Here are some ways you can have productive discussions about sensitive topics, according to experts.

Civil discourse takes practice, whether it’s in the classroom or outside of school. One of the most important skills to master is listening to gain understanding, says Cheryl Graeve of the National Institute for Civil Discourse in Washington, D.C. Too often, she explains, people plan their response before the other person has even finished talking.

Ask your friends what they think about a topic, such as equality or the environment, then keep an open mind as you listen to their answers, trying to put yourself in their shoes. Then restate what the other person just said in your own words—without judgment or accusations—and ask whether you understood them correctly. Gain extra insight with follow-up questions, such as What experiences made you think that way about this issue?

As you listen, look for common ground. Maybe you both love a certain hobby, have relatives in the same state, or prioritize values such as respect and freedom. Pointing out connections can make hearing and valuing each other’s input easier.

“They may have different life experiences, they may have different beliefs, but they are a human being,” Graeve says.

Civil discourse takes practice, whether it’s in the classroom or outside of school. One of the most important skills to master is listening to gain understanding, says Cheryl Graeve of the National Institute for Civil Discourse in Washington, D.C. Too often, she explains, people plan their response before the other person has even finished talking.

Ask your friends what they think about a topic, such as equality or the environment. Remember to keep an open mind as you listen to their answers. It might help to try to put yourself in their shoes. Then restate what the other person just said in your own words. Do so without judgment or placing any blame on them. After, ask whether you understood them correctly. You also can gain extra insight with follow-up questions, such as What experiences made you think that way about this issue?

As you listen, look for common ground. Maybe you both love a certain hobby or have relatives in the same state. You both might consider respect and freedom to be important. Pointing out connections can make hearing and valuing each other’s input easier.

“They may have different life experiences, they may have different beliefs, but they are a human being,” Graeve says.

Think about a productive goal for the conversation, such as clearly explaining why you feel the way you do about a certain topic. Let’s say your friend texts a meme that you consider offensive. If you’re comfortable doing so, seek out that friend to talk in person about the meme and how it made you feel. It’s often easier to stay respectful when you’re face-to-face, experts say.

Research the topic before you get together to help figure out exactly what you want to say—and why (see “Check the Facts!”). When you meet, take a few breaths before speaking to center your thoughts and emotions. Set the tone with a statement like I respect you, but I disagree with your opinion on this topic, and here’s why.

Then “speak from the heart, but also speak with respect,” Graeve advises. Talking from a place of anger or aggression may make your friend less likely to listen.

Sharing a personal story to demonstrate why you feel the way you do may help the other person see the topic from your perspective, suggests Joseph William Singer, a professor at Harvard Law School in Cambridge, Massachusetts.

If you and the other person disagree about the facts, you can research them together or separately, then reconvene.

“If someone has an opinion because of things that are not true, it is really important for you to figure that out,” Singer says.

Think about a goal for the conversation. For example, you might want to clearly explain why you feel the way you do about a certain topic. Let’s say your friend texts a meme that you consider offensive. If you’re comfortable doing so, seek out that friend to talk in person about the meme and how it made you feel. It’s often easier to stay respectful when you’re face-to-face, experts say.

Research the topic before you get together to help figure out exactly what you want to say and why you want to say it (see “Check the Facts!”). When you meet, take a few breaths before speaking to center your thoughts and emotions. Set the tone with a statement like I respect you, but I disagree with your opinion on this topic, and here’s why.

Then “speak from the heart, but also speak with respect,” Graeve advises. Talking from a place of anger or hostility may make your friend less likely to listen.

Sharing a personal story to show why you feel the way you do may help the other person see the topic from your point of view, suggests Joseph William Singer, a professor at Harvard Law School in Cambridge, Massachusetts.

If you and the other person disagree about the facts, you can research them together or separately. Then you can meet up again.

“If someone has an opinion because of things that are not true, it is really important for you to figure that out,” Singer says.

Achieving solutions through civil discourse can take time. But the better you get at it, the more power you’ll have. That’s because a democracy works best when people exchange ideas respectfully, Schwartz says.

For example, at some point you might want your town to adopt a new policy. You’re more likely to succeed in making that happen if you can persuade other people to agree with you. You’re also more likely to come up with solutions that other people can agree on if you understand multiple perspectives, Schwartz says.

“Being wide open to how people are thinking,” she says, “can give you the power to solve problems and get far in life.”

Achieving solutions through civil discourse can take time. But the better you get at it, the more power you’ll have. That’s because a democracy works best when people share ideas respectfully, Schwartz says.

For example, at some point you might want your town to adopt a new policy. You’re more likely to succeed in making that happen if you can get other people to agree with you. You’re also more likely to come up with solutions that other people can agree on if you understand multiple perspectives, Schwartz says.

“Being wide open to how people are thinking,” she says, “can give you the power to solve problems and get far in life.”