I go to a local coffee shop frequently. There’s a barista there whom I have gotten to know over the years. We always chat, and he always comps my drinks. I feel awkward about going so much, but I enjoy the place. I’d like to find a way to show my appreciation. There’s a tip jar, and I have left generous tips once or twice. But that feels awkward. What do you suggest? —coffee Lover
Unfortunately for you, you have written to a son and grandson of shopkeepers. It’s a hard business! Unless the barista is an owner of the shop or has permission to give away free drinks, it’s wrong for him to do so—and for you to accept them. I am well aware of the practice of giving regulars the occasional freebie to thank them for their patronage, but you say that this “always” happens. Tell the barista you aren’t comfortable drinking for free, though you appreciate his kind intentions. If you want to support him, pay for your coffee—to help the local shop survive—and make regular cash deposits to the tip jar. I get that you are friendly with the barista, but he is providing you a service. So tip him!
—Adapted from “Social Q’s” in The New York Times Magazine