Memory Banda in Ntcheu, Malawi, in March (Amos Gumulira/The New York Times)

Ending Childhood Marriage

Since age 13, Memory Banda has fought to change the conditions in Malawi that force girls to marry too young

Jim McMahon

When they were children, Memory Banda and her younger sister were inseparable. A year apart in age, they were often mistaken for twins. They shared clothes and shoes, and many of the same dreams and aspirations.

Then, one afternoon in 2009, that close relationship shattered when Banda’s sister, at age 11, was forced to wed a man in his 30s who had gotten her pregnant.

“She became a different person,” Banda recalls. “We never played together anymore because she was now ‘older’ than me. I felt like I lost my best friend.”

The pregnancy and forced marriage happened soon after Banda’s sister returned from a so-called initiation camp.

Memory Banda and her younger sister were inseparable growing up. They were a year a part in age. People often thought they were twins. They shared clothes and shoes. They also shared many of the same dreams and aspirations.

One afternoon in 2009, their close relationship was shattered. Banda’s sister, at age 11, was forced to marry a man in his 30s because she was pregnant.

“She became a different person,” Banda recalls. “We never played together anymore because she was now ‘older’ than me. I felt like I lost my best friend.”

The pregnancy and forced marriage happened soon after Banda’s sister returned from a so-called initiation camp.

Child marriage limits opportunity and perpetuates poverty.

In parts of rural Malawi, parents and guardians often send their daughters to these camps when they reach puberty. The girls stay for weeks to learn about being a mother and subservient wife.

While child marriage is the most prevalent in Africa, it’s also common in South Asia, Latin America, and the Caribbean (see chart, below). The drivers are many—poverty, the perception that it will provide protection for girls, family honor, social norms, and religious customs.

When girls return from the camps in Malawi, many quit school and marry. This limits their career opportunities and perpetuates the cycle of poverty and gender inequality.

In parts of rural Malawi, parents and guardians often send their daughters to these camps when they reach puberty. The girls stay for weeks. They learn about being a mother and subservient wife.

While child marriage is the most common in Africa, it also occurs in South Asia, Latin America, and the Caribbean (see chart, below). There are many reasons for the custom, including poverty, the view that it will provide protection for girls, family honor, social norms, and religious customs.

After attending the camps in Malawi, many girls quit school and marry. This limits their career opportunities and continues the cycle of poverty and gender inequality.

Per-Anders Pettersson/Exclusive by Getty Images

A newlywed husband, 20, and bride, 16, in the village of Mphandula, Malawi

When it dawned on Banda that she would be next, feelings of resistance began stirring within her.

“I had so many questions,” she says, “like, ‘Why should this be happening to girls so young in the name of carrying on tradition?’”

It was a moment of awakening. Since then, Banda has worked relentlessly as a children’s rights activist, taking part in a campaign that led Malawi in 2015 to outlaw child marriage.

Despite the passage of the law, enforcement has been weak, and it’s still common for girls to marry young, so Banda’s work is far from done. In Malawi, 37.7 percent of girls are married before the age of 18 and 7 percent before turning 15, according to the country’s National Statistical Office.

When Banda realized that she would be next, she felt resistance building in her.

“I had so many questions,” she says, “like, ‘Why should this be happening to girls so young in the name of carrying on tradition?’”

It was a moment of awakening. Since then, Banda has worked as a children’s rights activist. She took part in a campaign that led Malawi in 2015 to outlaw child marriage.

Despite the passage of the law, enforcement has been weak. It is still a common practice for girls to marry young. Banda’s work is far from done. In Malawi, 37.7 percent of girls are married before the age of 18 and 7 percent before turning 15, according to the country’s National Statistical Office.

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Banda speaks to a crowd in Nkwazi, Malawi, in 2018.

Leading the Way

Banda was born in Chitera, a village in southern Malawi. Her father died when she was 3, leaving her mother to raise two girls on her own.

When her time came to go to the initiation camp, at age 13, she refused.

“I simply said no,” she says. “I knew what I wanted in life, and that was getting an education.”

The women in Chitera considered her disrespectful of their cultural values. They’d say things like: “Look at you, you’re all grown up. Your little sister has a baby, what about you?”

Banda found support from people at the Girls Empowerment Network, a Malawi-based nonprofit that was training girls to become advocates and urge their village chiefs to enact ordinances to protect girls from early marriage.

With the group’s help, Banda convinced her mother and aunts that she needed to make her own decision.

Banda was born in Chitera, a village in southern Malawi. Her father died when she was 3. Her mother was left to raise two girls on her own.

When it was time for Banda go to the initiation camp, at age 13, she refused.

“I simply said no,” she says. “I knew what I wanted in life, and that was getting an education.”

The women in Chitera considered her disrespectful of their cultural values. They’d say things like: “Look at you, you’re all grown up. Your little sister has a baby, what about you?”

Banda found support from people at the Girls Empowerment Network, a Malawi-based nonprofit. It was training girls to become advocates and ask village chiefs to enact laws to protect girls from early marriage.

With the group’s help, Banda convinced her mother and aunts that she needed to make her own decision.

Her life as a rights activist had begun. Banda led the local movement of girls saying no to the camps. Other activists, parliamentarians, and community leaders joined the battle that eventually changed the law, if not the cultural norms that proved more stubborn.

“A lot of people just wanted to be part of the movement and change things,” Banda says.

Her role in the push against child marriage earned her a Young Activist award from the United Nations in 2019.

Banda, now 27, went on to earn a college degree in development studies and a master’s degree in project management. She works in Ntcheu, Malawi, with Save the Children International, while running her own nonprofit, the Foundation for Girls Leadership, in Lilongwe, Malawi’s capital. The group promotes children’s rights and teaches leadership skills to girls. It has helped more than 500 girls facing child marriage to avoid that fate and stay in school.

Her life as a rights activist had begun. Banda led the local movement of girls saying no to the camps. Other activists and community leaders joined the battle. Eventually the law was changed.

“A lot of people just wanted to be part of the movement and change things,” Banda says.

Her role in the push against child marriage earned her a Young Activist award from the United Nations in 2019.

Banda, now 27, went on to earn a college degree in development studies and a master’s degree in project management. She works in Ntcheu, Malawi, with Save the Children International. She also runs her own nonprofit, the Foundation for Girls Leadership, in Lilongwe, Malawi’s capital. The group promotes children’s rights and teaches leadership skills to girls. It has helped more than 500 girls avoid child marriage and stay in school.

‘I knew what I wanted in life, and that was getting an education.’

There’s much left to do, Banda says, like setting up a vocational school for girls, which aims to provide job skills to those, like her sister, unable to go beyond secondary school.

“All I want is for girls to live in an equal and safe society,” she says. “Is that too much to ask?”

There’s much left to do, Banda says, like setting up a vocational school for girls, which aims to provide job skills to those, like her sister, unable to go beyond secondary school.

“All I want is for girls to live in an equal and safe society,” she says. “Is that too much to ask?”

Rabson Kondowe is a freelance journalist based in Malawi.

Rabson Kondowe is a freelance journalist based in Malawi.

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Where the rates of child marriage are the highest

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A new bride, 15, and her husband, 32, in Manikganj, Bangladesh

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