An older relative is downsizing and moving into a retirement community. I’ve heard that she intends to offer me her large collection of antique dolls. I am genuinely touched, but I have no interest in her collection—not even a single doll, if it can be avoided. How can I decline her offer without causing hurt? —Relative
Honesty is (usually) the best policy. “How kind of you to think of me! But I can’t take the dolls.” Cite space constraints if a plain refusal seems too brusque. But here’s another perspective for you to consider: I have an older uncle whom I love dearly. If taking over a prized collection of his would make a stressful move easier, I would do it in a heartbeat—and find a loving home for the stuff later. Still, this doesn’t oblige you to take the dolls!
–Adapted from “Social Q’s” in The New York Times Magazine