Two years ago, during my freshman year of high school, I lent my favorite book to my best friend. That summer, for reasons that were my fault and completely unavoidable, we stopped speaking to each other. When we see each other now, we’re perfectly cordial. But he still has my book, and my book club has just chosen it as our next selection. My copy is a special edition, and I wrote many notes in the margins. Can I somehow get it back? —READER
Let me redirect you here. Apologizing for the hurt we cause is more important than material possessions—even special editions. And from the squishy language in your letter—my fault but unavoidable—it doesn’t sound as if you have taken responsibility for your behavior and apologized unambiguously to your friend. That’s where you should start: with a sincere apology. After that, whether your friend accepts your apology or doesn’t, feel free to ask for your book back—assuming he’s kept it for two years. People first, then things, OK?
—Adapted from “Social Q’s” in The New York Times Magazine